Confessions of a Single Mom: More than a Couch

(Please read all the way to then end to see the MIRACLE of MORE.)

I never prayed for a couch.

I needed one, but I didn't pray for one. I ran into a member of our church family at Goodwill where I was looking at a sofa. We had a sofa and love seat that was not cheap, but was apparently cheaply made. The arms were separating from the seats. The recliners were hard to open. There were other issues, too. But, new furniture is certainly NOT in my single mom budget right now.

A couple of days later I received a message from the same person I saw at Goodwill asking me if I was still looking for a sofa. She told me she was keeping her eye out for one for me. (I never asked her to do that for us.) A couple of weeks had passed when I received this picture.



She asked me if I liked it. When I told her I did, she told me to be praying.

Two days later she called. She and her husband had taken the time to drive to where it was located and see it, to sit on it, and make sure it was comfortable. As we talked, she added more details. Another member of our church family had been working with her. He had a trailer and was going to help pick it up. AND, they were going to get some men over to bring it to my house AND take my old furniture away.

My kids were BEYOND excited, especially when they learned both pieces were sleepers.

As a convoy of vehicles pulled up to our house, I was reminded that I did not pray for a couch. Five men and 3 ladies entered our home, delivered our furniture, and took away the old.

A precious godly man asked if he could pray for our family.

And, I remembered, I did NOT pray for a couch.

But, I want each of these men to know what I have been praying for.

Since the divorce, I have prayed for godly male mentors for my boys.( I do not wish to belittle their father. He has become a good dad, but in this one area, the boys still have a great need.)

As those men-and ladies- gathered in our great room and joined hands with my children and me to pray, I remembered what I have been praying for. I was overwhelmed at that moment, thinking of the servants' hearts that were in that room. I was amazed at how God was showing me a glimpse of His answer to the prayer of my mother's heart. My sons and daughters were seeing men who love JESUS serving JESUS and loving on us.

You can ask the boys where our new-to-us furniture came from. They will give one of two answers, "Our church friends," or "Jesus."

The LORD used His servants to encourage this mama more than they EVER could have imagined. And, I want them to know that they are serving an Ephesians 3:20 God. He is able to do more than we can ask or think.

Even as a single mom, He still is the MIRACLE of MORE!

Confessions of a Single Mom-Loneliness

Being a single mom brings to me two totally contradictory emotions:

Overwhelming stress on days when I can't seem to get it all done---a desire for some alone time to maintain my sanity.......

AND

Loneliness when my children are gone.

You can understand why I might miss these faces:

I think what took me by surprise was the emotions I would feel when they left to spend time with their dad. They spend the night with friends, and I don't get emotional. I have gone away for a night leaving them at home with a sitter without getting emotional. So, why did I get so upset when they left with their father.

I think it's the unnaturalness of it all. God never intended for dads to take children away from moms to spend time with them apart from the family. These are moments that were meant to be spent together as a family. It's the un-family-ness of it all.

 It's the death of the family dream.

I have experienced two extremes as well in my attempts to cope. I would either fill my time with outside activities, going out with friends, going away to the beach, or sky diving. (Not really, I didn't go skydiving,  but you get the point.) Or, I would be totally unable to function. Fully intending to get something done around the house, refusing to go somewhere just to be doing something, I would stay home and, do NOTHING. I even took Benadryl some days just to sleep until they came home. REALLY.

I confessed some of these feelings to a dear friend today, and she said, "But, you didn't call me."

She's right. I didn't call anybody. I don't know why. I just climbed into bed and if I couldn't sleep, took something to help me sleep. Then I slept until my children came home.

Tonight, though, I want to praise the LORD. I can be thankful that they are able to spend time with their dad. I am thankful that he is willing to spend time with them. I thank God that my children look forward to going to daddy's house.

And, I want to praise HIM that He has helped me overcome. Tonight my children are with their daddy, and I didn't do anything special. I didn't lie around doing NOTHING. I went out alone and did something for myself. Then I came home to an empty house without feeling empty inside.

Thank you, JESUS!

Thank you for the friend who today said, "But you didn't call me." Thank you for the reminder that there are many who will hold my hand if I will swallow my pride and ask them to hold my hand. Thank you for allowing me the dark days that remind me to enjoy the sunshine.

And, thank you again, that I am sitting in an empty house and I do NOT feel empty at the core of my being. Thank you, Jesus, for overcoming the world, that I may also be an overcomer.

We played in the pool yesterday. We went to the beach earlier today.

My house is still a mess.

But I am NOT!!!!!

 

Confessions of a Single Mom: I Am Not a Mess

It's been a while, a really LONG while, since I posted anything. With high hopes of returning to the blogging world, I thought I might begin a new series:

Confessions of a Single Mom

I am a single mom.

Not where I expected to be at anytime in my life, but this is where I now find myself. I've been divorced  for 16 months. There are days when that seems like a long time and days when it seems like only yesterday. Still, friends and strangers sometimes ask how I'm doing.

 (Most people don't ask, and I have yet to determine why. Is it:
a-They assume 16 months is enough time to be over it.
b-They can't fathom how difficult this time in my life has been.
c-They are afraid I might actually tell them the truth. OR
d-I always appear to have EVERTHING together, forever the picture of PERFECT MOM.
I digress)

People sometimes ask how I am doing. Sometimes I think they really want to know.

So, here is my current answer to this question. This answer is subject to change at any moment of any day, but here is how I would answer right now:

My house is a mess. My car is a mess. My purse is a mess. My yard is a mess. My desk is a mess.

But, I am not a mess!

Exhibit A:

 

 

This is my great room. What you see strewn across the floor is laundry. Most of it is clean, I think. I have the most difficult time keeping up with laundry. We wash it, we sometimes fold it, and we sometimes put it away. The current problem is: there is not enough room for all of the laundry.

 

"Purge," you say. "Who has time?" I ask. "Get your children to help," you suggest. "Do you have a Drew Bear at home?" I might ask.

 

I have projects planned, lots of projects, but the reorganizing and sorting through wardrobes has yet to make to the top of the list. I suspect it will before each of my children graduate from high school, and I am confined to a wheel chair. You may also feel better if you learn that my great room floor no longer looks like that; however, my bedroom does. My house is a mess, but I am not.

 

 

Things are messy. But, we are not. I don't have as much time to do what used to seem very important anymore. But, I do have time to be mama. And, that is MOST important.

 



You may see us pull up to the grocery store to buy popcorn for movie night, or chicken livers for fishing. We are on a mission to enjoy life. If you see us in the parking lot, beware. Any number of things my fall out onto the pavement when we open the door. It may be a box of crayons, a French fry from last week, a flyer from church, or a bar bell. If it is the barbell, we apologize in advance for the injury to your foot. My van is a mess, but I am not.

If you find yourself behind me in the checkout line at JCPenney, please do not judge me by the looks of my purse. When I reach in to retrieve my wallet and my debit card, I might pull out a catheter, one of 47 receipts for recent or not-so-recent purchases, a half-eaten granola bar, the foam thingy that separated my toes at my last pedicure, my camera card reader, chapstick without a cap, or 79 pennies from the last time my coin pocket emptied. If you see any of these things, do not be alarmed. My purse is a mess, but I am not.

I admit that I have been a mess. Sometimes I was a mess, but my van was not. Sometimes I was a mess, but my house was not. (That might have happened once.) Sometimes I had a new purse, so my purse was not a mess even when I was.

But, for now.

My house is a mess. My van is a mess. My purse is a mess. My desk is a mess. My yard is a mess.
But, I am not.

Fulfill Your Ministry

Changed.

That's what I must be.

In the past 2 1/2 years, I have experienced BOTH the greatest blessings and the MOST difficult hardships of my life. Following, God's blessings, the attack of Satan has left me feeling much like the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness. There have been nights of tears, days of tears, and mornings when I just didn't want to get out of bed.

God is healing me, but I have finally realized that I had to let myself mourn. Grieve for the betrayal I suffered. Mourn the loss of my dreams. Allow myself to feel LONELY and allow JESUS to fill my emptiness.

He give beauty for ashes.

I can choose to let the past dictate who I become. Or, I can choose to allow God to use my past to make me more like HIM.

Less than 2 months ago, on a Saturday, I learned there would be return trip to South Africa this summer. I did NOT immediately respond to the invitation to join the team.

The following Sunday, I felt God speaking. I felt him telling me it was time to go again.

I cried.

During the entire worship service.

The most difficult part of my testing and trials began when I was in South Africa, almost 3 years ago. I could not stop that thought. There was fear of returning, fear of another long, hard battle with the enemy.

I've continued to pray...some...and think lots about going.

Then, I started a new Bible study, Beth Moore's Believing God.

I needed that.

During the study, I really felt God was speaking directly to me. I had begun to be intrigued with the story of the Israelites crossing the Jordan River. I read the account multiple times, fully believing God wanted me to learn something there.  And then Beth Moore camped out there- in Joshua chapter 4.

I learned God had much more to say to me through those verses. Beth wrote, "The middle of any challenging journey can be the most critical point. Many of us may not be where we were, but we're not where we want to go. Perhaps the terrible bondage of Egypt is behind us, but the land of promise seems remote. The longer we wander in the wilderness between, the greater the chance we'll return to captivity."

I think of myself standing on the edge of the Jordan. God set me free from emotional and spiritual bondage, but it is time for me to put my foot in the water. I must trust him. I must keep moving. I must follow him.

I believe God is ready for me to get to work on the other side of my faith journey.

Then today, our pastor preached a sermon from 2 Timothy. And these words jumped from the pages, "whether convenient or not," (4:2)  "fulfill your ministry." (4:5)

During the struggles to hold myself together and hold my children together. During my battle with loneliness and rejection, I had lost my passion.

It is time I trust my first love JESUS, and return to my passion: orphans.

I am now planning and praying for Josie-Tatum and me to return to South Africa this June.

I believe God is calling us to be his hands and feet in ministering to the orphans there.

I also believe God is preparing a great work in my heart and in Josie-Tatum's while we are there. Just as the Israelites  had the first Passover before they left Egypt, and celebrated Passover again when they crossed the Jordan, I believe God is completing a work for us.

I am hopeful that God will use this trip to further heal my heart, and to further heal Josie-Tatum's.

Please join me in prayer.

Once again, we won't be going unless the LORD provides the funds. But, more than any other time, I believe they will be there if He desires us to be there. He will make the crooked paths straight. He can do more than I ask or think. He is an Ephesians 3:20 God. He is the Miracle of More.

Tomorrow's Big Day

I wrote this post in January...but the big day is tomorrow. I'm so excited about

God is soooooooooo into the details of our lives:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I put two and two together tonight and realized a Jesus-given blessing is coming soon to us.

I had received an email from a mom asking questions about spina bifida. It is ALWAYS my privilege to talk with families considering adoption a child with spina bifida. Our Ellie has taught me much about the blessings we receive when we expect to bless our children.

Anyway, this mom made the decision to commit to adopt the little girl with spina bifida. And, I had forgotten that she told me the little girl was also from Zeke's SWI.

Tonight, I saw a post by MOM and the name of the little girl rang a bell.

I looked back and Zeke's school reports from the LWB Believe in Me School. She was indeed mentioned in his reports as one of his best friends. Then, I looked further and further to see that I have lots of photos of her and Zeke together.

And...the best part....

Zeke's friend from across the world in a little recognized province in an obscure town in an orphanage where few international adoptions have taken place....this friend is going to be living in GEORGIA!!! And, only 2 hours from us.

I can't wait until the moment these two meet again!!!!!

Shocker!!

Last night, Josie-Tatum told me she would like another baby sister from China. Her reason: She doesn't have many memories of those first moments, days, and months with Ellie. Whitney has good memories, she told me, of the days when Josie-Tatum joined our family.

Wow!

Isn't my life crazy enough???

She already plans to adopt, and she repeated this on the way home from church. "The man I marry better understand that I am NOT going to have biological children. I am going to adopt from a country in Africa and at least one little girl from China. And, a little boy two, because Chinese boys are the cutest."

Moms, if you're preparing a godly son out there, make sure he has a heart for adoption if he wants to marry my daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Six Years Ago

Six years ago today, my life changed more than I could ever have imagined. After praying diligently to discern God's will for our family, we committed to adopting a little girl with spina bifida. I had NO idea what the LORD had in store for us.

Ellie has taught me FAR more about life than I could ever teach her. She inspires abundantly more often than moments when she needs inspiration.

Read here about the day she joined our family.

What a blessed adventure it has been to watch Ellie grow and to watch our family grow in spirit for having her in our lives.

I remember when my heart burst with joy as I witnessed the miracle of these two little girls bonding as sisters.

And, seeing her grow more beautiful EVERY day.

On Sunday, Ellie and I celebrated her "Gotcha Day." This past year, I started a new tradition with my adopted children. For their Gotcha Day, they get to choose an activity to do with Mama. Ellie chose a day of horse back riding at the beach.

The LORD sent the most beautiful day.

We started at her favorite picnic spot-the grassy area between the Jekyll Inn and the river. For Ellie, a picnic is not a picnic without a blanket on the grass. (She also chose the menu of sandwiches from Subway.)

 

 

It is unlike Ellie to have down days, but the moments of frustration have grown more frequent recently. She has asked, "Mama, why did God choose me to have spina bifida?" and "Why do I have a disability?"

 

As we enjoyed our picnic under the live oak trees, I chose to remind Ellie of her story, the story God is writing. I told her how I read and prayed Psalm 139 over her as we sought to hear from God about adopting her. I fasted one day through lunch, with her photo on my desk and my Bible open. I told Ellie how God does not make mistakes. She is fearfully and wonderfully made, just the way god wanted her. He has great plans for her. He already knows her future. He has more thoughts of her than there are grains of sand! You can see the peace and joy we both felt as we talked about how special she is to our Savior.

And....just in time for a trail ride. Saddle Up Therapeutic horseback riding  and the volunteers there have taught her to love horses, thus her choice to ride horses. Her mama has taught her to love the BEACH. We combined two of her favorite activities into one.

 

Try as I might, I could NOT get this photo to rotate. You must turn your head to get a better view of Ellie's horse for the afternoon, whose name just happened to be Spirit. How fitting!!

 

After the trail ride, Ellie and I went for a short walk on the beach.

 

 Happy Gotcha Day, Ellie!!! I'm so glad Jesus gave you to me.

My Great Hero

You've seen this photo from the wedding. I think I promised a story.

 

But, before the story, tell me doesn't this photo touch your heart? It's of my Handsome Navy Son and my Best Sister Ever helping get Grandma Tatum to the wedding ceremony. (Thanks BFF Melanie for the photo. I'll save some stories about Melanie for another day.)

 

 

 

I've shared some blessed moments with my Grandma Tatum. You can read two of them here and here.

 

But, I don't think I've ever shared the most important thing.

 

While giving all the glory to Jesus, I give much credit to my Grandma and Grandpa Tatum for helping me find Him. There were ALWAYS Bibles in my grandparents home. Grandpa Tatum was a Gideon. Grandma had lots of Bible story books, and we cousins would "play" Sunday School with much regularity. Grandma was my Sunday School teacher for a time, what little time I was able to go to church. (My parents grew active in church and Daddy was saved years later.)

 

Grandma Tatum gave me my first Bible. She arranged for me to go to church camp. She prayed and I knew she prayed. She loved the LORD, and I always knew she loved him.

 

If you look back at the posts I referred to under the photo, you can see that Grandma's health has deteriorated quickly in the past several years. She has declined both physically and cognitively.

 

On Saturday, after I convinced her to smile in a photo with me, I asked her if she wanted to go see Whitney all dressed in her wedding dress. She asked me, "Is Whitney getting married today?"

 

You know it hurt my heart a little when she asked that, but I tried ever so politely to tell her yes without making her feel embarrassed. And, of course, she wanted to go see Whitney.

 

When we took her in the room, it was as if all the brain waves for that moment worked like they were meant to. She looked at Whitney, and she looked at my mama. She looked at Whitney, and me, and she looked at Mama. Her eyes filled with tears.

 

So did mine.

 

So did Whitney's.

 

So did my mama's.

 

And.......possibly every other brides maid in the room.

 

And Grandma said as she looked back and forth. "She looks so beautiful." "Isn't she just the most beautiful bride?"

 

And, that's the kind of moment I will treasure forever. My Jesus gave me a great hero in the faith. He allowed me to have in her my life for 49 years. No many almost-49-year-old ladies can say they spent time with their grandmother this weekend. And, he ordained that moment in time, when Grandma could see clearly the beauty in her great-granddaughter on her wedding day.

 

Then, to make it all the more special, it became a moment of prayer. All these ladies, four generations, and a group of Whitney's dearest friends held hands in a circle which included my greatest faith Hero, on Whitney's most special day.

 

It was an Ephesians 3:20 Miracle of More moment.



A Blessed Wedding Day

I know...I know...it's the pictures you've been waiting for. I love this one....a moment when Whitney was herself. She held it together all week long and all day on Friday before the wedding. Just a few hours before the wedding, she was overcome with the "business" of it all. We were finally able to get her to relax!

 

And, later, hope was really able to bring out the "Whitney" in Whitney.

 And, I don't know if I've every REALLY realized how much I love these big kids! But...I missed them so much when they all 3 moved out within 6 months of one another...and I was full of joy for the hours we had together on Saturday. Look at the smiles on the three of them!

(And, might I say, that is the most handsome submariner EVER!)





 

 

This photo might really be my ALL time favorite of the day. It's my Grandma Tatum. I couldn't possibly count all of the people who call her Grandma. She just turned 89 years old, and, though she forgot occasionally why we were all together, I was beyond happy to have her there. Does it show? I'll have a post in a day or two about how special one of the moments with Grandma Tatum was on wedding day.

And, in case you didn't already know it....those 7 blessings in this photo are my greatest treasures. I'm almost weepy typing that. I cannot imagine my life without them. I could not ever have imagined 10 years ago, that I would be the mom of 7 blessings! They are indeed MY Miracle of More.

I have a couple of special stories to share and plan to later this week. You won't want to miss them!

And...can you believe it? My camera died before the end of the day. I have no photos of the groomsmen, except Brandon. And, I have NO photos of the groom. I have not photos of my darling daughter-in-law who helped keep it all organized.

So, when the happy couple gets their official photos, I'll be a boastful mama and post more!

One Blessed Weekend

My heart is full as I reflect on the blessings of this past weekend.

Many of you now, but lots of you may not.

My firstborn child got married this weekend.

I was ready to post some photos and share details of the weekend when, alas, I cannot find my card reader.

I am taking that as a sign from heaven that I need to spend a little extra time with JESUS and get some much needed rest.

But, tomorrow, if He wills, I will go to town to buy a new card reader and share much with you in word and pictures about all that our Miracle of More God did for my family this weekend!

Making Memories

I have vivid memories of summer from my childhood. Some of my fondest memories are of beach days with my extended family.

Friday afternoon, I am certain my children made memories they will hold dear long into their adult years.

It began when my friend Laura invited us to visit with them when they vacationed on Hilton Head.

We do LOVE the beach, so, of course we accepted the invitation.

But, it was even more special because of this precious girl:

That beautiful girl in those photos with Josie-Tatum is Lydia. She is special to us because she spent the first months of her life in the same orphanage as Josie-Tatum. The LORD has blessed us to be able to keep in touch with her family through the years. Just minutes after seeing each other, the girls were reconnected like the best of friends.

Below is the traditional "red couch" photo families were known to take when their travel groups stayed at the White Swan hotel in Guangzhou China. Josie-Tatum is second from the left and Lydia is on the far right.

Here is another photo of the girls at a second trip we made together, less than 2 years after our first meeting when we traveled to China together.

Just seeing the girls together again would have made the trip memorable, but it was an exceedingly more than that.

While they spent most of their time in the water together,

my other children were treated as well.

Dan spent most of his time in the water with them. It started with a ride in the inflatable boat:

I went to him more than once and asked if I could take over. The first time he said, "I'm alright," and Ellie shouted, "Yeah, mama, he's alright." Dan sweetly told me to enjoy my time. What a blessing!!!

Later, Dan and two of his boys spent time in the water swimming with the Littles. They each had their own swimming buddy.

Aaron and Zeke

 Dan and Drew

 Ellie and Shayne

Zeke also enjoyed watching Aaron and Shayne play around with the soccer ball, and joined in himself.

Dan helped Zeke manage riding on his boogie board.

The family's oldest son Tanner is the same age as Whitney. They became friends in China, too. I enjoyed watching the two of them when they were both maneuvering the boat.

I also enjoyed the look on Tanner's face when he was playing with the kids.

I think Whitney enjoyed herself, too.

The day made for ONE more Ephesians 3:20 moment!

He CAN do more!!!!

We've just returned home from a visit to Shriner's for both Ellie and Drew. Both of them had their AFO's adjusted. I was excited to learn that they didn't need new ones....or we would have needed to return to Tampa in 2 weeks to pick them up.

But, the best news!

Some of you already know....but I must praise the LORD again and again.

Last summer, we scoliosis had progressed significantly. The curve of her spine was at 61 degrees. I looked at her initial x-ray from 2008 compared with that x-ray and literally felt weak. We waited several months before we saw the surgeon. I did research and knew surgery was likely in her future.

He did not recommend surgery last August, but a brace, a TLSO. He explained that our hope would be it would keep the scoliosis from progressing any furthers, possibly causing damage to her internal organs. Surgery may be necessary at a later date. Ellie was to wear it 23 hours a day, only taking it off to bathe or play sports.

Our sweet school nurse affectionately refers to it as a torture device.

Ellie wore it most days without much complaint. She has grown quite weary of it, almost a year later. It makes her sweat profusely. Then, it makes her itch. Some days she cries. Others she wears it without being reminded.

Last Tuesday, I prepared myself for bad news. We have encountered some new development nearly every doctor's visit.

Oh, was I suprised!

The PA pulled up the x-ray and beside it showed me last summer's x-ray. The curve was 45 degrees!!!

The brace is doing for Ellie more than we had hoped, more than we imagined. It is not only keeping her scoliosis from progressing, it has helped to improve her scoliosis. That is more than her medical caregivers expected, too!! I have since told two medical professionals who politely tried to discount the progress.

"That's not what the brace is expected to do," I've been told.

"How long was she out of the brace?" I was asked. "It could be that the muscles were still in place from wearing the brace." She was out of the brace for a while, not only through examination, but long enough to walk the corridor from the examination room to the x-ray department.

That is not what medical professionals may have expected.....but...

That is my God,

my Ephesians 3:20 King of Kings,

my Miracle of More Jesus!

Praise the KING who created her fearfully and wonderfully.

Praise the LORD who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we ask or think!

Amazing Achievements: Part 1--Zeke

Many people remark about Zeke's perpetual smile. He is often smiling, especially in public. But, his smile grows bigger at special moments-like when his name is called to receive a ribbon.

In this mama's mind, he has had a REMARKABLE year. A year of so many firsts. I am amazed at his ability to handle new situations and do so with great strength. From the moment he took my hand in China and allowed me to lead him into the unknown. He has continued to take risks and desire to please, desire to achieve.

He received a perfect attendance ribbon for the 9 weeks, and the Character Counts ribbon. I think character counts, too.

But, I am super impressed with his academic achievement. He entered kindergarten without knowing a single letter of the alphabet, with no phonemic awareness, no awareness of a letter sound relationship. His beginnings were slow.

But...he ended with amazing success. He knows all of his letters, all of his sounds, and over 50 sight words. He is beginning to read and LOVING it! He loves spelling simple CVC words. If you see him in town, ask him. He will be delighted to spell h-a-t or p-o-t or p-i-g or c-u-p. He will beam!

It has been a joy to watch him and join him on the journey to learning. This is the fun stage when all of the sudden letters make sense. He continually looks for words on cereal boxes and signs. He hears a word spoken and tries to spell it. He know words are EVERYWHERE. And, since we hit this stage just at the end of the school year, the teacher/mom in me knows we must keep the momentum going.

Yes, we're doing some school this summer. We have more sight words to learn. We have books to read. We have sentences to write. And, I can't wait to see how much more progress he is going to make.

For now, enjoy the smile and enjoyment you see on his face at the end of the year kindergarten celebration. I love to watch children who KNOW the show is all about them.

 He who had no family, now knows a family is out there just to see him.

 And he loves to sing. Most often his head is thrown back and his voice is projected at the ceiling. He may very well be singing louder than any other...even if he really doesn't know all of the words.

 And...to end his year with a SNAP!!! He as the alligator being teased by 5 little monkeys, "You can't catch me!"

It has been a joy to watch Zeke grow!