Josie-Tatum and I are going out of town for the next week. Please pray that the LORD will speak to my heart while we are gone, that I can focus on others, focus on my blessings. And, if you don't mind, pray that our LOA comes soon.
I'm so glad the LORD gave us the Psalms. I read the times when David praised the LORD and the times when he lamented. I'm so glad he was transparent.
I wish I could stand strongly in the face of this giant. I must lament.
I am tired of being strong.
Today and yesterday, LOA's came again. Once again, none for us.
My heart is breaking. I am numb. I wish I could cry, but I can't. I'm just snappy and irritable, and I don't like myself much.
My head knows the LORD's ways are perfect, His timing is perfect. But, tonight, my heart does not feel it. I want to know why, and He doesn't always share with us His reasons. Some may think I shouldn't ask why, but I believe He understands.
I am discouraged and need much prayer to come up out of this valley. It saddens me that I can not rejoice with others who are receiving their LOA's this week. I know that is selfish, but I can't shake it. No today, not right now. I have a friend who miscarried tonight. Her story should have made me cry. It is a tragic story. I am so numb I didn't cry then either. That is so not like me.
I do not want a hardened heart.
Thanks for those who encourage us as we wait.
Ellie Min Chun
Josie-Tatum's MeiMei
1 comment:
I read your post and it made me weep. Why? Because you are writing what it is my heart. This process is nearly killing me. We have waited 90 days for I171 and everyday I run out to the mailbox and everyday I am crushed. If it makes you feel better, I am cranky and I don't like myself much either. I thank God for the people in the groups who give me my true sense of strength because they are the only ones who truly understand the pain in my heart. Thank you for your well written words and know that my heart aches with yours. We will get these kids home if it is the last thing we do!
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