I pray the LORD will forgive me for my thoughts and feelings today.
It's raining outstide, the skies are gray, and my heart is a mirror of the weather.
Today is my last official day of summer. I go back to work on Monday. When we were matched with our Ellie, Dang Min Chun, on Dec. 4th, I never dreamed August would be here and our Ellie would not be here.
None of this is normal. Our homestudy took longer than it should. Our 171 took longer than average. Then other things held up our dossier going to China. Once logged in on Feb. 26th, the expected time frame for travel was 3-5 months. It's been over 5 months and we still don't have LOA. When LOA comes we have to wait on TA. When TA comes, we have to wait to travel. Our agency sometimes has people wait 4 weeks from TA to travel. It's looking like our wait from LID to travel could be 8 months!!!
I'm sad. I have a closest full of summer clothes for our Ellie, an entire wardrobe of clothes she may never be able to wear. Several of her outfits match ones I bought for Josie-Tatum, even 2 matching bathing suits. I had such visions of our girls in those precious suits. I had visions of them in their matching lady bug suits. It's hard when you lose your vision.
My baby girl is growing older and changing everyday, and I don't get to watch it. She is cared for and loved where she is, but my heart hurts that we are not with her to care for and love her.
My head knows our Savior loves her more than I do. I know he only does what is best for all of us, but my heart can't feel that today. I only feel such disappointment. I want to cry and cry all day, but the tears won't come. I guess I could go stand in the rain and pretend those are my tears flowing down my face.
Please pray for me,