Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Shoes--More Prayers for Ellie
We had a visit to Shriner's today. We were supposed to be picking up new braces. On our last visit, we had discussed Ellie's tendency to lose her balance and fall frequently.
After 3 hours of thorough evaluations, it was determined she could us a butress on her shoe to hold her ankle in place. (She has severe pronation on one foot, and she already wears a lift on her other shoe.)
Ellie has been excited about her new braces. Everytime she gets new braces, she chooses a new color for her straps. She was ready for her new braces with the red straps.
Then, they brought in her new shoe.
She was a good patient and let the orthotics tech put it on without complaint.
Finally, we could leave.
I took Ellie to the restroom to complete the catheter process.
She sat on the toilet
.......and began to cry.
She said, "But, Mama, I'm going to be the only one who wears a shoe with this."
I tried to talk to her, but she couldn't hear it.
She could only see that she was different.
I had sent my nephew Joshua, my soon to be DIL Casie, and Josie-Tatum to the van. Ellie and I were leaving the hospital together, just the two of us. I reached for her hand, and she asked, "Mama, will you walk in front of me."
My sweet Ellie:
Who loves to be the center of attention:
Didn't want anyone to see her.
Did you feel my heart break?
Of course, I had to be the big girl. I couldn't cry or let her know, at that moment, how bad my heart was aching. And, since words of wisdom failed me, I simply walked on, with Ellie trailing behind, tears quietly running down her cheeks. We went to eat at one of her favorite restaurants, and when we all climbed out of the van, she repeated her request. "Can I walk behind somebody?"
We've not been home long, and I've not had time to truly process all of this. I will admit the tears that are beginning to flow now, that the girls are in bed, and I can begin to sort through my own feelings.
Please pray for her, as I know you will. Please pray that God can speak to her heart, when her Mama doesn't have words. And, today, I don't have words. At this moment, I can't think of scripture or even what I might say to her tomorrow.
But, as you are praying, if you hear a word from the LORD, would you share it with me?
I know my Jesus died that she might have life, and have it more abundantly. I know He is the truth, the way, and the life. I know He has a perfect answer for this disheartened mommy.
Love to you, my faithful prayer warriors,