Monday, September 12, 2011
Looking Unto Jesus
By now, you've figured out I love sunsets.
Last night, we were driving home from church, and it blessed my heart to hear Ellie say, "Look at that beautiful sky, Mama."
And, then Josie-Tatum said, "The heavens declare the glory of God." That verse was in her first devotion in Jesus Calling when we were in Africa. Since we spent the day looking at the ways God declares His glory, she remembers His word.
And, since she, too, knows her mother's love of sunsets, she said, "You really need a picture of that Mama." I took her advice, ran inside when we got home from church, ran to the road in front of our house and captured God's glory with my camera.
I am struggling, though, to keep my eyes on Him.
There has been much going on here....attacks of Satan....to get us discouraged, most too personal to share, except to ask you to pray.
Then, on Friday, I received an email from our agency. We sent our dossier to our agency in late July. It was a week later before they sent it to China. The China staff had the dossier a week before it was delivered to CCWAA, the government agency for adoptions in China. Then, our dossier sat there for THREE weeks before it was logged in,.
That means we lost FIVE weeks of time, five weeks that our paperwork was not being processed.
At that point, I think I stopped feeling. I couldn't even cry until Saturday. But, Saturday, I did some crying...and some more crying...and some more.
It was the death of a dream...my dream...my plans.
I had sooooooo hoped, and really believed we would have our boys home for Christmas, or at least be in China with them at Christmas.
Now, though, that dream is nearly impossible. Outside of a miracle, it will be either January and maybe even February before our boys come home.
I am having to truly rely on blind faith, that God has a perfect plan, and He will not withhold any good gift from us, his children. He loves our boys more than we do. He loves us. He has a plan, a plan to give us a future and a hope. I must trust Him. And, trust for me is not as easy as I thought it was.
I trust Him to provide for our adoption, with $22,000 still needed to complete our adoption fund.
But, I don't trust Him with His plan for the perfect time.
I am talking much to Him, and I beg of you to join me.
May I, as my sister has encouraged, learn to "dance in the rain," learn to praise Him in the storm, learn to be still and rest in Him.
Please pray that God sends a miracle. If that miracle is not bringing our boys home before the end of the year, then pray the miracle will be in me, the work He wants to do in my life and my heart.
And, may I give Him all the glory and honor and praise.