Confessions of a Single Mom-Loneliness

Being a single mom brings to me two totally contradictory emotions:

Overwhelming stress on days when I can't seem to get it all done---a desire for some alone time to maintain my sanity.......

AND

Loneliness when my children are gone.

You can understand why I might miss these faces:

I think what took me by surprise was the emotions I would feel when they left to spend time with their dad. They spend the night with friends, and I don't get emotional. I have gone away for a night leaving them at home with a sitter without getting emotional. So, why did I get so upset when they left with their father.

I think it's the unnaturalness of it all. God never intended for dads to take children away from moms to spend time with them apart from the family. These are moments that were meant to be spent together as a family. It's the un-family-ness of it all.

 It's the death of the family dream.

I have experienced two extremes as well in my attempts to cope. I would either fill my time with outside activities, going out with friends, going away to the beach, or sky diving. (Not really, I didn't go skydiving,  but you get the point.) Or, I would be totally unable to function. Fully intending to get something done around the house, refusing to go somewhere just to be doing something, I would stay home and, do NOTHING. I even took Benadryl some days just to sleep until they came home. REALLY.

I confessed some of these feelings to a dear friend today, and she said, "But, you didn't call me."

She's right. I didn't call anybody. I don't know why. I just climbed into bed and if I couldn't sleep, took something to help me sleep. Then I slept until my children came home.

Tonight, though, I want to praise the LORD. I can be thankful that they are able to spend time with their dad. I am thankful that he is willing to spend time with them. I thank God that my children look forward to going to daddy's house.

And, I want to praise HIM that He has helped me overcome. Tonight my children are with their daddy, and I didn't do anything special. I didn't lie around doing NOTHING. I went out alone and did something for myself. Then I came home to an empty house without feeling empty inside.

Thank you, JESUS!

Thank you for the friend who today said, "But you didn't call me." Thank you for the reminder that there are many who will hold my hand if I will swallow my pride and ask them to hold my hand. Thank you for allowing me the dark days that remind me to enjoy the sunshine.

And, thank you again, that I am sitting in an empty house and I do NOT feel empty at the core of my being. Thank you, Jesus, for overcoming the world, that I may also be an overcomer.

We played in the pool yesterday. We went to the beach earlier today.

My house is still a mess.

But I am NOT!!!!!