Why We Call Our Blog the Miracle of More

The miracle is a beautiful image of Ephesians 3:20--more than I can ask or imagine. Every day is a miracle. Every moment is a miracle. Specifically for our family, the miracle of more is our family growing in ways I would never have imagined when we first committed to adoption 8 years ago. But, the greatest miracle is the change in ME!

If you have questions about adoption, our work in South Africa, or spina bifida, please email me at rbmattox@bellsouth.net

Saturday, August 15, 2009

My Aching Heart

My heart aches.

My recent absence was not caused by my heartache; however, my heartache and recent absence are related.

Life has been busy, very busy. I returned from South Africa, and returned to work only 5 days later. For all of you educators out there, you know what pre-planning and the first week of school do to a teacher. Just over jet lag and back up everyday at 5:30 a.m.

Josie-Tatum started first grade, and praise the LORD for her teacher Ms. Sheri. She is awesome. Ellie started pre-K, her first adventure is school away from home. She is loving it! She has Mrs. Carter, the same teacher JT had for pre-K. I hope Mrs. Carter is strong enough for Ellie....;) Neither of these have anything to do with my heartache, just the craziness I've experenced.

My heart is aching, though, because Whitney moved to Savannah on Monday, to attend classes at Armstrong. Then, Brandon moved to Athens on Wednesday to attend classes at UGA. Since it was the first week of school, it would have been nearly impossible to take off 2 days of school to help both of them move. My parents helped Whitney move, though, and Caleb helped Brandon move.

Brandon brought Caleb back home on Thursday, and it was really hard telling him good-bye. I pretended to cry, only to make a joke out of the tears that really wanted to flow. Whitney came home yesterday afternoon, but left for Savannah again early this afternoon.

I've really been okay. I've been so busy, so tired at the end of the day, that I fell asleep quickly. Today I went to Wal-Mart, took the girls swimming, and got busy with the housework. Then....

Then I saw Brandon's BAMA hat on the table. I always hated it when he left his hat on the table. Today, I wish he was here to leave it on the table every day.

I turned my head and saw Whitney's booster seat...hahaha. It was Ellie's booster seat that has been in Whitney's car for nearly 2 years. I could always count on Whitney to keep Ellie when she wasn't in class, to take her to college if she was just going for a minute. Another reminder that our life will be different.

Caleb has been moping around too. He and Brandon were a tag-teaming stand-up comic act. So much laughter left the house when Brandon left.

It is just too quiet.

Can you believe I said that when Ellie still lives here???????????? Okay, it's just not as noisy.

I know that millions of mothers have sent their children away to college. I know that there are others who have sent 2 away at one time. But, just for today, I feel miserable. I'm sure it will get better.

Thursday night, the last thing I saw before I turned out the light was the photo of all 5 of my children on Easter, just months after Brandon and Ellie joined our family. I see it every night, but there was an unusual tugging at my heart on Thursday. I know there will be other "little" things that remind me that our life is changing.

I can't even begin to think about Caleb leaving for the Navy.

What a blessing it has been to be the crazy, worn-out, mother of five. I think I hurt more remembering all of the years Brandon didn't have anyone to love on him. There were those who loved him, but not those who loved "on" him, with hugs and kisses, shoulder rubs, and favorite meals.

So, I'm going to the front porch to talk to my Jesus. He is the LIFE-GIVER. He is the Comforter. He is the Prince of Peace.

And, I promise to come back to the bloggy world...for all five or ten of you who read my blog regularly. I promise to tell more funny Ellie stories. I promise to share more about South Africa. I promise to tell you about the work that's beginning for the home for the children. And, I promise to tell you when my house is noisy for those occasional moments when all 5 of my children are home again!


samuelsadoption said...

so glad to hear from you again. i really miss reading when you don't post. glad to hear things are going okay.

Team Houston said...

Ohhh, your tears brought tears to my eyes, then your music starts playing.

BIg HUGS!! You are such a good Mommy! I can't imagine what that day will be like for me when our girls go off to college....

Good luck with your first week of school.

Thanks for the post.
xoxo Michele

Sabrina said...

I'm crying with you, sister. You have such great big kids! You can tell them I said it, but don't tell them I cried--not Brandon and Caleb, anyway! ;)

Cari Bacon said...


Aren't you glad we have Jesus to go to in times like these?

Anonymous said...

I know the bittersweet of letting children go...I'm sorry that you are hurting. I'll pray for you and rejoice when your chicks return to the nest and make it full of laughter and wonderful noise!!

Take care,
hollym. Bethany Momma

Kim K. said...

I've been thinking about you, knowing that your eldest kiddos would soon be starting new life adventures (not at home).

BIG HUGS and best wishes with all the new transitions.

Talley Images said...

Oh, sweet lady, I wish you were closer so I could wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug and a glass of sweet tea (sugar makes everything better!)

I hope things get easier knowing what a great job youve done as a mother when youve got 2 in college - what an accomplishment!

Hope you have a good week... Ill be thinking about and praying for you... :)

God's Grace said...

Robbie, I know how you feel. I thought I would die when my girls moved out, went to school and then my oldest went and got married! When my son was graduating I felt so sad! But at the same time we were starting a new chapter in Adoption! I still get sad knowing they will never all live with us at the same time (and I also rejoice at the same time hehe) but realize it's all a part of growing up in Jesus...me I mean...love you sister. Terry

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