Why We Call Our Blog the Miracle of More

The miracle is a beautiful image of Ephesians 3:20--more than I can ask or imagine. Every day is a miracle. Every moment is a miracle. Specifically for our family, the miracle of more is our family growing in ways I would never have imagined when we first committed to adoption 8 years ago. But, the greatest miracle is the change in ME!

If you have questions about adoption, our work in South Africa, or spina bifida, please email me at rbmattox@bellsouth.net

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Progress

Adopting two little boys at one time has certainly presented it's challenges, yet I am absolutely amazed at how quickly they have both adjusted. While attachment and bonding is a life-long process, we have not needed to deal with the attachment issues I was most concerned about.

Our four-year-old, however, has some behavior/control issues that can drive a parent crazy at times. I think about how loved he was in his group foster home. While Qing Zhuang may not have had the opportunity to develop strong attachments in a family type setting, Zhuang Zhuang did. I believe he has suffered the most throughout his adoption, felt the most loss, needed to grieve more.

I wonder if that contributes most to his behavior issues. He had no control over who adopted him or when he was adopted or if he was adopted. I am certain he feels loved, and I am certain he is learning to love us. But, what can he possibly be thinking about everything that has changed in his life?

He has almost always refused to smile for photos. (Another control issue, I think.) But, he is beginning to smile when we ask him--especially is we promise candy.

 He has begun to ask me to lie down with him as he falls asleep at night. To many parents, that wouldn't seem like progress. To an adoptive parent who is working to foster attachment, that request is music. He has not asked me to lie down with him since his adoption two months ago. He would only ask for Josie-Tatum. So, you know what? I joyfully lie down with him a few minutes every night.

And, tonight, I left the boys in bed for a few minutes to come downstairs and get tomorrow's clothes ready. When I went back upstairs, I climbed in Zhuang Zhuang's bed, and he whispered, "I luva you."
 Whitney has spent the week in Savannah. She came home today. We were swimming at Grandma's house when she came in. When we came home, Whitney opened the back door. You should have heard the boys as they shouted her name..."Whit---ney!!!:
Progress...learning to love and be loved!

2 comments:

Sabrina said...

Sweet, sweet!

Aus said...

That's not music - that a whole bloody concert!! ;)

Great joy for you guys - and IMHO - you are spot on in your understanding of the behavior issues. One big thought that is probably in the back of his mind is "how long will this last" too. Somewhere back in the years I think I heard it takes a child 2 days in their forever family for every 1 day as an orphan to learn that this time it's really "forever". I don't know how accurate that is - it hasn't really been our experience (seemed much shorter to me) - but it's something of a guide I guess.

Regardless - y'all have grown by leaps and bounds - and I'm tickled about it!!

hugs - prayers for continued success - aus and co.

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