Why We Call Our Blog the Miracle of More

The miracle is a beautiful image of Ephesians 3:20--more than I can ask or imagine. Every day is a miracle. Every moment is a miracle. Specifically for our family, the miracle of more is our family growing in ways I would never have imagined when we first committed to adoption 8 years ago. But, the greatest miracle is the change in ME!

If you have questions about adoption, our work in South Africa, or spina bifida, please email me at rbmattox@bellsouth.net

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Another Kind of Miracle

I've had these thoughts rambling for many days, and only hope and pray that I can convey in words what has filled my heart. And, I promise if you can stick with the story long enough, you'll enjoy the video that follows. Somehow, God has used the words of a Barbie song to affirm his love for me.

I determined from the beginning of this blog that I would be transparent. I wanted the world to know that God is good, He is the helper of the fatherless, adoption is His idea, but everyday is not easy. I have prayed from the moment we committed to adopting a little girl with spina bifida that God would manifest His glory in and through our family.

Learning that Ellie would have to use a catheter up to 5 times a day came as a big blow to me. I look back at that day now, and the days to follow, and I can say those days were some of my lowest ever. There have been few times in my almost 45 years when I have sunk as low. I was devastated. In some ways, I was numb. I wouldn't talk about it. I tried not to think about it. I was disappointed. Though I knew of the possibility, I really thought we would have other options to consider.

But, today, I can truly say, "God's grace is sufficient." I am amazed at the peace I have now. I am amazed that I am pretty good at inserting a catheter now--me, Robbie, 4th grade school teacher, NOT-the nurse--me. I can do it. That is Jesus.

I am amazed at Ellie's attitude towards the change. Ellie. Stubborn. Strong-Willed. Determined. Independent. She goes to the potty most of the time, willingly, to do what needs to be done. She is proud of her pee pee that goes into the potty now, rather than her pull-up. She is proud of her panties when they are dry. That is Jesus.

But, then I think...Why am I amazed? I can hear Jesus saying, "Oh ye of little faith?" He has promised never to leave me or forsake me. He has not forsaken me and He has not forsaken Ellie. I have learned that, before learnign to use catheters, many adults with spina bifida have a shortened life span due to kidney failure. I was speechless again when I considered this thought...had Ellie remained in China, she would likely never received the diagnostics that would determine cathing was necessary to protect her kidney. God brought her home to us to give her LIFE!

And, while I am not super spiritual, and I, in my flesh, find it impossible to live a life that shouts, "In everything give thanks," I can thank him for the storm that began 2 weeks ago. I'm not ready to thank him that my Ellie has to use a catheter 4 or 5 times a day. I would still pray for a miracle that her body would be healed. But, I'm beginning to wonder.

Perhaps, he has performed a greater miracle.

Ellie's medical condition has not changed. But, God has changed me.

In my total inadequacy, he equipped me to do what I needed to do. Truly, I am NOT nurse material. I don't like blood. I don't like guts. I don't like CSI. I don't watch much of the Discovery Channel. I leave the room if Stan is watching Operation.
But, in the beginning, I would walk into that bathroom and say, "Jesus, hold my hand." In only a few days, I was not freaking out about the idea any more. In a week, I was pretty good at it. In a couple of weeks, it already feels "almost" routine. His strength has truly been PERFECT in my weakness.

And Ellie...Ellie has this promise. God is faithful. He will not allow her to be tempted beyond what she can bear, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. He has already provided for her a way to stand against the temptation...the temptation to give up, to temptation to give in. He created her...fearfully and wonderfully. He gave her every ounce of tenacity that sometimes drives her mother insane, and more often her daddy. But, that same tenacity given to her by Him will allow her life to bear witness to God's promises. He will use his perfect creation in her to bring Himself glory.

And, I, get to go along for the ride.

Won't you join us?

(Scroll to the bottom and pause the sound of the play list player.)


samuelsadoption said...

Love the way Ellie closes her eyes!! She is jammin'. And JT, hope you have good dental insurance to get her some dentures LOL God is good!

Cari Bacon said...

That video is just precious!

I LOVE your honesty in your post. His strength is made perfect in our weakness! Just by sharing a piece of your heart and struggles helps so many more continue the fight.

One Happy Momma said...

Oh Robbie -

The video is priceless!!

I love your transparency when you post to your blog. Your honesty always is so refreshing.

Thank you for sharing yours and Ellie's story/journey.

Blessings and hugs -


Kim K. said...

Thank you for ALWAYS keeping it real. You don't know how much I appreciate that. Your family and your sweet Ellie will always hold a special place in my heart. You know that (wink wink). You are one of the strongest women I know. Your faith is amazing. Ellie has an amazing role model as her Mommy.

PS. That video is just priceless. I can't wait for my girls to see this tomorrow. Love and extra HUGS!!

Tim said...

Great video and lovely children.

Nate and Brenda said...

I wish we had more raw honesty in this world! We can ONLY do things when Jesus takes over!

I am definitely along for the ride!!

Our Journey to Leilah Grace said...

You have a beautiful family! I am so sorry for Ellie's new diagnosis, or more treatment of her old one, but you sound like you are doing great, and she is blessed to have you as her Mommy. She is precious, and you can see how much she is loved in her eyes.

Sheri (Leilah Di and Olivia Xia's Mommy...and Mom to many more!)
(from your LCC family)

Donna said...

Robbie, I'm sorry that Ellie has to use the cath multiple times each day. But, as with all things in God's plan, good does come from it. Your honesty is so touching. Moms always can find a way out of their comfort zone to do whatever their kids need!

That video is so flippin' adorable!


Barbara A. said...

Oh my goodness, they are so stinkin' cute! Love, love, love the facial expressions!
Perfect song, gotta keep going, yeah! God Bless!

Anonymous said...

Absolutely, precious! I've always admired Ellie's courage! When she started to walk, you posted a video of her on the porch. I cried like a baby! :) Both of your girlies are so precious. They must have a WONDERFUL family!:)
Bethany Momma, hollym.:)

Goosegirl said...

Robbie, yes, your Ellie does remind me of my India. Our miracle girls are strong and God's plans are so big for them. And we mamas just want to fix them, for them to be whole as we see whole to be. But Ellie is just as perfect as your other children. It is so hard!!!
Many hugs to you. And when you cry, know that you do not cry alone. I am holding you up in prayer.

Anita said...

Well the video is AWESOME! LOVE the attitude in it too! Too cute! And isn't it cool how the Lord changes us in the midst of what we think is impossible? We're all on different rides of our lives, aren't we?? I'm thankful that I know who is holding on to the on/off switch and knows just how fast we/I can go.

Marjorie said...

That video is the most precious thing E V E R!

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