Why We Call Our Blog the Miracle of More

The miracle is a beautiful image of Ephesians 3:20--more than I can ask or imagine. Every day is a miracle. Every moment is a miracle. Specifically for our family, the miracle of more is our family growing in ways I would never have imagined when we first committed to adoption 8 years ago. But, the greatest miracle is the change in ME!

If you have questions about adoption, our work in South Africa, or spina bifida, please email me at rbmattox@bellsouth.net

Monday, January 19, 2009

It's REALLY Not About Me

When we were praying about adopting Ellie, I wondered how I would handle some of her medical issues. I wondered if I could handle her medical issues. I was focused a lot on ME.

Yesterday, my focus TOTALLY changed. While it has changed in small steps each day, yesterday I had a new focus. I have learned to love Ellie more than I ever imagined. She embraces life with such joy, you can't help but smile in her presence. Often, I don't even think about her "disability."

But, yesterday, my heart sank, as I really, truly, for the first time faced seeing Ellie's limitations through Ellie's eyes. Ellie said, "I wish I was Josie."

And, I tried desperately to keep my composure as I asked her why. She told me, "So I could wear panties."

The truth is...Ellie may never wear panties. She may never develop full bladder continence. She's not yet 4 years old, and I have to explain that reality to her. I tried not to over react. I tried hard, and found the strength, not to cry. I realized that my reaction at that moment could impact her feelings about continence.

So, I said, "You may wear special panties when you're bigger, because God made you special."

Please help me pray for wisdom.

Again, this morning, she came to my room after waking up and said, "I was laying in my bed, and I thought I was Josie, but I was Ellie." She began to talk about being able to walk and run.

Before you get too upset, Ellie didn't dwell on either of these issues long. But, I never dreamed she would become aware enough of these things so early, or that she would verbalize them by saying, "I wish I was Josie."

I know sibiling rivalry is normal, but the way she talked about it 2 days in a row, really has me concerned.

Please again, pray for wisdom for Stan and me. Pray for Ellie. Pray that she will know that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Pray that God will manifest His glory!

5 comments:

Kim K. said...

Ellie continues to be in my prayers. My heart ached when I read your post. She's so wise for her years. God has big things planned for her, Robbie.

Paul and Chelsea Gour said...

We will keep you and Ellie in our prayers as well. I know this day will come for our Claire too and I wonder how I will handle it. Thank you for having a window through which we can watch how it goes with you. Blessings.

Grimes Family said...

We think and pray for your family often. You are stronger than you realize. I don't know anyone including Dr. Phil who could have handled that better than you!

Oatsvall Team said...

I just know God will always give you the right words ... I think you handled it perfectly ... My heart aches for all our girls who are special in God's eyes and in ours, but world sees them differently and they know it ... I pray God will always reveal to them they ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFULLY MADE !!!

Bill and Toni said...

Robbie - thanks so very much for your heartfelt posts on this beautiful blog. I LOVE seeing the pictures and videos of your sweet kiddos!! God is so very good, isn't He?

I've read all the way to this post today (lunch is over!), and I had to comment after reading this one. I say, give her some panties!! She can wear them over the diapers and she'll be like JT... or at least close enough. Take her out and buy her some big-girl panties... Dora or Hello Kitty... or whoever suits her fancy... and let her wear them.

Thank you for being Jesus with skin on to those sweet kiddos.

Blessings,
Toni Benton
www.cantwaitbentons.blogspot.com

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