When we were praying about adopting Ellie, I wondered how I would handle some of her medical issues. I wondered if I could handle her medical issues. I was focused a lot on ME.
Yesterday, my focus TOTALLY changed. While it has changed in small steps each day, yesterday I had a new focus. I have learned to love Ellie more than I ever imagined. She embraces life with such joy, you can't help but smile in her presence. Often, I don't even think about her "disability."
But, yesterday, my heart sank, as I really, truly, for the first time faced seeing Ellie's limitations through Ellie's eyes. Ellie said, "I wish I was Josie."
And, I tried desperately to keep my composure as I asked her why. She told me, "So I could wear panties."
The truth is...Ellie may never wear panties. She may never develop full bladder continence. She's not yet 4 years old, and I have to explain that reality to her. I tried not to over react. I tried hard, and found the strength, not to cry. I realized that my reaction at that moment could impact her feelings about continence.
So, I said, "You may wear special panties when you're bigger, because God made you special."
Please help me pray for wisdom.
Again, this morning, she came to my room after waking up and said, "I was laying in my bed, and I thought I was Josie, but I was Ellie." She began to talk about being able to walk and run.
Before you get too upset, Ellie didn't dwell on either of these issues long. But, I never dreamed she would become aware enough of these things so early, or that she would verbalize them by saying, "I wish I was Josie."
I know sibiling rivalry is normal, but the way she talked about it 2 days in a row, really has me concerned.
Please again, pray for wisdom for Stan and me. Pray for Ellie. Pray that she will know that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Pray that God will manifest His glory!