Sometimes It Hurts

Not knowing where to begin or how to convey my thoughts.

I'll dive in.

Sometimes it hurts.

I read this on Katie's blog as she nurtures 13 adopted daughters while serving in Uganda, " I do not like the idea of a child having to endure trauma so that one day she may learn from it, or teach another about it. But I still believe He has purpose, even when I can’t see it."

When we started the adoption process again in 2006, we did not list spina bifida as one of the needs we felt comfortable in parenting. That would NEVER have been my idea.

But, it was God's plan.

When I saw her face, I was drawn.....

And I have been in love since.

Many of you have emailed or sent texts as you prayed about our visit to Shriner's. We received news we expected and some we did not. We knew that the doctor was recommending that the hardware in her hip be removed. We have scheduled that surgery for August 29th. The surgery itself is simple and hospital time is likely to only be one overnight stay, would possibly be outpatient.

When the hardware is out though, there will be holes in her bones, leaving them easy to break until they heal. Ellie will then wear a brace for 3 months. The brace will extend from her hip to her foot, and keep her leg from twisting, thus causing force that could fracture her femur. When the spinal defects care nurse asked if we had a wheel chair, I was able to say, "No, but we will tomorrow."

Thanks to our friends Vicki and JP, we are now the owners of an awesome chair Ellie can use when she must travel longer distances, both after surgery and later when needed. JP is also adopted from China. He, too, can walk but has had many surgeries and some still to go. He also uses the chair when it is necessary to walk long distances. But, he has outgrown this one. And, his Mama knew just the family who might could use it.

 The news we were not prepared for came next.

The doctors have been monitoring Ellie's scoliosis. As soon as we saw the x-rays, we knew there was progression without hearing any numbers. The PA put up two pictures on the screen, the first x-ray taken of Ellie's spine in 2008, and the one they took on Tuesday. It was heart-wrenching really.

Her curvature has increased from 20 degrees...

to 40 degrees.

I was standing up...looking carefully at the screen when the PA began to discuss treatment. I was prepared for her to discuss bracing, knowing I hated for Ellie to go through that.

But, she didn't begin with bracing.

She began discussing surgery.

A very long, complicated surgery.

As she explained: Scoliosis in spina bifida patients does not respond to bracing, so surgery is the only option for improving scoliosis. It is such a complicated surgery it is not even recommended for most children with spina bifida. As the scoliosis continues to progress, however, it will interfere with Ellie's ability to walk. Since she is mobile, it will likely be recommended for her.

Ellie is currently under the care of Dr. M at Shriner's, but he does not do this type of surgery. There is another doctor who visits Shriner's twice each month, and we had the option of seeing him, or seeing a doctor closer to home.

Stan asked that we see the doctor at Shriner's to keep some consistency with her orthopedic care.

As we scheduled the hardware removal surgery, we learned that this doctor will be at Shriner's the day before her pre-op. (I felt in my spirit the LORD was sending affirmation.) So, Ellie will see the new doctor on Monday, August 27, her pre-op on August 28th, and her surgery on August 29th.


Usually, hearing such news I didn't expect sends me into a depression of sorts, but not this time. I have peace.

But, what hurts is....

knowing how much it will hurt her.

I have likely mentioned this before, but I think it bears mentioning again.

When we were considering Ellie's adoption, I often wondered if "I" could handle her needs. How would I deal with surgery? How would I deal with cathing? How would I cope if she did not have bowel continence? How would I manage if she never learned to walk?

A long time ago, I learned it wasn't about me at all.









It is about her.









I hear her voice just now as I type. The pitch of her voice is higher than most 7-year-olds. She is such a BIG personality in a tiny body.

I hope that those who follow our journey through life will know that she is a joy.

She loves with her whole being.

And she is loved by so many!!!!!

She enjoys life everyday.

 Every moment offers a reason to smile.

 And, I don't want to see the sparkle dulled as she recovers from an excruciating surgery.

I hate to think of the pain that she will endure, the moments she will miss doing the things she loves.

 That's why it hurts.

But, the message I truly want to convey is this:

I wouldn't trade our life with Ellie for anything.

I know God can and will fulfill His purposes in her life. I know she will continue to bless others more than we could ever bless her. I know that I have never regretted adopting a child with spina bifida. (And, yes we have now adopted two more.)  I know it is not about me.

If you have not already done so, I invite you to click on the spina bifida tab at the top of the blog page. Here I am working to link various posts about Ellie...and about our boys...to encourage other parents of children with spina bifida.

But, more than that...to encourage other would-be parents.

If you have ever considered adopting a child with special needs or know someone who is, send them over. Introduce them to our Ellie. May her spirit encourage others to reach out and do more than they can do.

Because our God can do more than we can ask or imagine. He is an Ephesians 3:20 God. He can do more in a parent's heart than we can ask or image.

He is

The Miracle of More.

Prayers and More Prayers

We're off to Tampa in a few minutes. Ellie and Drew have appointments at Shriner's tomorrow. Please pray for our safety, wisdom for the doctor as we make the best care plan for our special blessings, and peave for the mama.

I was hopig to upload a video for you enjoyment, but it's taking a long time. I'll try later.

And, one last prayer reuest, for a heavy burden  I keep piking back up. Pray that I can leave it at the feet of Jesus.

My Kind of Summer Day

That's what today was. My favorite kind of summer day.

No stress.

Just fun.

 Well.....

 No stress could be a bit of an exaggeration.

 Since there were 14 children here:

Two of whom were infants. Look at that sweet Gabriel! (I forgot to snap a photo of Haddie Ruth. Bring her back today Sabrina!)

Not to repeat myself, but in this photo

are three girls dear to my heart. The one in the middle...I taught her mama in 2nd grade. Who would have dreamed we would one day be parenting daughter the same age? I used to hold onto Katie when she was a baby and dream of the day when I would hold our sweet Josie-Tatum. And, the one to the left. Her Mama and I waited on our first adopted daughters together. We met when we were both waiting.

And, this is a photo we never dreamed of. We both felt adoption was likely in our future AGAIN, but I know I never dreamed it would be boys...and not TWO boys.

And then there's our miracle boy:

Your heart would flutter if you knew what doctors told his mama when he was born. I taught his mama in Sunday school when she was a teenager. I taught Kati's mama in the same Sunday School class. Sabrina and Theresa use to come over to my house before there was a house...just a trailer....when there was just a Whitney...and then when my handsome Navy son was born. They visited many times when he ran out the door without his clothes on.

I certainly never imagined we'd all be around the pool watching our children swim and play as friends.

So, it was my kind of day.

The children played and had such fun together.

The mamas talked and were able to "relax" a little because the children were enjoying themselves so.

And, at the end of our hours and hours of fellowship, I had the opportunity to reflect. My very tired boys slept soundly in their very late nap. I got to reflect on the goodness of God. What a beautiful tapestry he weaves when connects our lives with one another. What blessings He has in store that we could never imagine.

 He is the GOD of Ephesians 3:20.

He is

The Miracle of More

A Day in the Light

After days and days of abundant rainfall, but trying not to complain since the south needs relief from the drought, we finally had a day of sunshine. I understand more every day why Jesus is called the Light of the World. Just realizing how much I enjoy sunshine and realizing how much the sun shining for miles along the coast lifts my spirits, helps me know why I need the LIGHT!

Our day at the beach was the light I needed!

 I have desperately wanted to take the boys for the first ever trip to the ocean. Alas, the sun was shining, but I had no one to help me keep an eye on FOUR little people in the ocean water. As I pondered on Sunday evening if I might could take them to the beach on Monday, a sweet young lady in our church said, "Mrs. Robbie, if you ever need a babysitter, please give me a call." Hoping she meant it, I asked, "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Brittany was wonderful with the kids! She played in the water, she dug in the sand.....

 and she even joined in a mud fight with Ellie!

 Speaking of Ellie, she does love to make a mess. So, of course she loves the beach! That's one place where she can get as messy as she wants and her mother doesn't complain.....well, until it's time to wash the hair.

 She did have ONE moment where she tried to be a "prissy" girl.

 But, of course, Josie-Tatum could strike that sort of pose any time.

 She has seen a every episode of H2O on Netflix. She enjoyed running and jumping to the water, H2O mermaid style.

 But the joy of the day was watching the boys!!!! Oh, how much they enjoyed the day. I thought we might be there for 2-3 hours. Boy, was I wrong! We were there for 5 hours, and I had to force the children to help me get ready to go home.

On Sunday night, I showed the boys photos of the ocean and beach at Jekyll Island where we were going. They grew excited, and Zeke surprised me when he walked away from the computer. But...
then he came back.

With a photo in hand.

He brought me a photo of Whitney, Caleb, Brandon, JT, and Ellie...

at the beach!  Yes, he was making connections.

 Now, for this little man, I really needed an extra pair of hands. He cannot swim, but I spent much time yelling at him to come back closer to me. But, he did have a grand time with his mother running FROM the waves as they came to shore.

 But, the most fun I had was watching Zeke. He had so few experiences outside of the SWI in China that he enjoys every experience we offer. As we got close to the beach, he thought we had arrived when he first saw the marsh. He kept asking if we were there yet....not like the usual child in a car...

Whine...."Are we there yet?"

He just could not fathom was a never ending body of water would look like. He thought the intercoastal waterway might be the ocean and beach.

But, when we really saw the beach, and saw the ocean....his smile lit up the partly cloudy sky. Now, I know why the clouds parted and the day ended bright and sunny. He smiled and smiled and smiled. He splashed and ran, swam and dug in the stand.

He played Power Rangers.

Really.

He told me.

He put on his warrior pose as each wave approached., and kicked it when it hit is feet.

 When he landed in the water, he came up with a smile!

Now, if you are as crazy as Brittany, and you'd like to offer your services, we are extending an open invitation to join us for a day at the beach. There are only two stipulations:

• You must be willing to be a body guard for at least one precious Asian in the ocean water.
• You must be willing to be covered in sand as you participate in sand sculpting.
• Participation in mudfights is optional.

Rabbits, Horses, and Ducks, Oh MY!

We weren't following the yellow brick road, we didn't meet any lions, tigers, and bears, but we did have a little adventure Friday.

If you live in south Georgia, I highly recommend General Coffee State Park, especially if you have young children to entertain.

We started off today at the pioneer farm. Stan and I would have enjoyed the buildings and artifacts more, but the children l-o-v-e-d the animals. Note that Zeke is not the subject of any of these first photos. He preferred to observe the animals from afar.

 Drew loved the animals up close...until feeding time. We happened to have a few apples in our home that weren't eaten while they were their freshest, so we took them along. Daddy happened to have a pocket knife for cutting them into slices. When it came time to feed the animals, though, Drew backed away. He would only hold his daddy's hand, while Daddy fed the animals.

 If you know me well, you know I have bird phobia, and especially chicken fears. I did my best to stay away from the chickens and roosters not in the coop. I was not close to these chickens, I zoomed in....the chicks were cute...even to me.

 But, these chicks following their daddy onto the boardwalk and dock were much cuter.

 Zeke finally took his turn feeding animals. Throwing cheerios into the water to feed the ducks from the dock was much less intimidating than holding an apple in your hand while an animal exposed its teeth to take it from you.

 Just so you know that Mama was really there.

We ended the day with hiking of the wooded trails and playing on the playground. It was well worth the 45 minute drive, and even the five whole dollars we had to pay to enter the park.

God gives us such bountiful blessings in his creation. The simple things to us are marvelous works to be enjoyed.

Wordless Wednesday

Progress

Adopting two little boys at one time has certainly presented it's challenges, yet I am absolutely amazed at how quickly they have both adjusted. While attachment and bonding is a life-long process, we have not needed to deal with the attachment issues I was most concerned about.

Our four-year-old, however, has some behavior/control issues that can drive a parent crazy at times. I think about how loved he was in his group foster home. While Qing Zhuang may not have had the opportunity to develop strong attachments in a family type setting, Zhuang Zhuang did. I believe he has suffered the most throughout his adoption, felt the most loss, needed to grieve more.

I wonder if that contributes most to his behavior issues. He had no control over who adopted him or when he was adopted or if he was adopted. I am certain he feels loved, and I am certain he is learning to love us. But, what can he possibly be thinking about everything that has changed in his life?

He has almost always refused to smile for photos. (Another control issue, I think.) But, he is beginning to smile when we ask him--especially is we promise candy.

 He has begun to ask me to lie down with him as he falls asleep at night. To many parents, that wouldn't seem like progress. To an adoptive parent who is working to foster attachment, that request is music. He has not asked me to lie down with him since his adoption two months ago. He would only ask for Josie-Tatum. So, you know what? I joyfully lie down with him a few minutes every night.

And, tonight, I left the boys in bed for a few minutes to come downstairs and get tomorrow's clothes ready. When I went back upstairs, I climbed in Zhuang Zhuang's bed, and he whispered, "I luva you."

 Whitney has spent the week in Savannah. She came home today. We were swimming at Grandma's house when she came in. When we came home, Whitney opened the back door. You should have heard the boys as they shouted her name..."Whit---ney!!!:

Progress...learning to love and be loved!

It's Beginning to Smell

a lot like summer!!!!

This evening after supper as I cleaned in the dining room, the air conditioner came on again. That's when I smelled it.

The intake was pulling the sweet aroma of dessert from the oven in the kitchen and dispersing it throughout the house. And, it smelled like summer.

I love to make fresh fruit cobblers, crumbles, and crisps during the summer. On Friday, we went to Nana's house and picked lots of blueberries from her huge blueberry bush. (Unfortunately, I forgot my camera.) The four littles had fun, though Zhuang Zhuang got tired quickly.

Qing Zhuang, however, kept wanting to pick more and more. When we had really found all of the ripe berries I thought possible, everyone was ready to go home. Everyone except Qing Zhuang, that is. He kept saying, "Please, Mama. One more." It was sweet.

We had lunch, with fresh blueberries for dessert.

Then, Saturday night, I made a blueberry crisp, using this recipe:  Triple Berry Crisp Recipe .

Zhuang Zhuang, who had quickly grew tired of berry picking, loves to be in the kitchen. He hopped on a bar stool and watched my every move. I let him help when possible. He kept saying, "Hao chi", which translated means, "good food," or DELICIOUS! And, he hadn't even tried it.

It was a hit...a huge hit! I think this will be my all time favorite blueberry crisp recipe...but Qing Zhuang was not happy. He took one taste, and quickly announced his dislike. He prefers his blueberries all natural, not sugar, not crust. (I only wish I felt the same way.)

Light Up the Sky

Thank you, Lynda, for listening to the voice of the Spirit. Thank you for your words of encouragement. Thank you for the link to this video.

Maybe one of you needs this as much as I did.

At Last.....

At last, school is out. At last I am able to enjoy my days being Mama. At last, we've had a free day of nothing but fun. At last, I've had the opportunity to sleep late. At last, I've had aleisure quiet time with Jesus.


 At last, we've had unscheduled moments!! And, where should we spend that time? Why....in Grandma's pool of course!

All Four All Smiles

Finally learning to smile for photos!

Had to crop out JT. One eye was closed. She would have been angry had I left it as is.

To think that they first jumped in a pool EVER just 3 weeks ago, makes this photo of TOTAL enjoyment priceless.

Almost Always Smiling!

If you're swimming at Grandma's house, there is one person you should invite.

Moose!!!!

I don't know another young man who entertains children any better than he does. I don't know another young man who has such a servant's heart. He plays with my children, he plays with his nephews, he plays with children at church. If you remember, he played with the children of Shayandima in Africa. His Aunt Robbie believes God is calling him to children's ministry, but he hasn't heard that from God yet.

Moose, whose name is actually Josh, loves to jump from the diving board, making cannon balls into the pool. His Uncle Stan gave him the nickname Moose because he is a BIG boy! And, when a moose does a cannon ball into the pool, the waves created make little people feel like they're riding the waves in the ocean. it makes for hours of fun.

And, then there's the Moose Monster! Flippers, mask, and snorkel, complete the sound effects of deep breathing make another round of fun.

The Monster in Grandma's Lagoon

It has been a blessed day!!!!!

Lessons From the Dark

The last week has included many dark days for me, circumstances not appropriate for our family blog. I have found it difficult to pray, and had trouble distinguishing God's voice.

The week ended, rather appropriately for a dark week, I suppose.

God got my attention!!

Since I will have a new position next year at school, I must clean out my classroom. (All you teachers out there, you know how much "stuff" we have!)

And, all of you GA teachers know about the new CCGPS. Since our system is using our only 2 post planning days for unit writing, we have no post planning days to clean our classrooms. And, with circumstances from our dark week, I have not devoted enough time to cleaning.

All of that said so you understand why I went to the school late last night. I put the children to bed and had hopes of getting much work done for about 2 hours, with NO ONE around, no one to ask questions, no one to distract me.

I have a key to the building and a key to my classroom. I let myself in the building, then entered my classroom. I locked the door to my classroom, so....if any big bad wolves or other monsters entered the building, I could make a swift get-away through the back door.

I had accomplished about 10 minutes worth of work, whittling away at the easy, most obvious tasks first, to make it feel like I had much to show for my time. That's when a quick job stared me in the face. There sat a cup, with the remains of a grape slushy, and inside the cup were 3 house flies having a royal feast. One more easy task so I could accomplish many little things.

I opened my back door to empty the contents of the cup....totally focused on the flies I was also trying to rid my classroom of.

I'm not sure of the details of this part of the story. All I can tell you is the door closed behind me....and there is no way to open our classroom back doors from the outside. My keys were inside. My cell phone was inside. There was NO way in the building. There was NO way for me to call for help. I really had no choice.

I had to walk home.

In.
The.
Dark.

I tried to shorten my dark journey by visiting my sister's house. She lives directly across from the school in my grandmother's house. The walk was a few football fields in the dark. I wasn't too nervous or worried, until I saw her car wasn't home. I knocked and shouted, all the time her dog barked and barked. She knows me, but she wasn't expecting me to appear in the dark, dressed in my church clothes, and knock on the door when my sister wasn't home.

That was it.

I had to walk home.

In.
The.
Dark.

As I began to walk, I said, "Okay, God, you must have a lesson here for me in all of this." I was often distracted still, though, by the dark days of the week behind me.

But, I did notice the stars shining brightly, no clouds, no moon either. But the stars gave just enough light for me to make my way down the dirt road while able to see where I was going. It reminded me that if we will let our light shine, there may not be many others with bright lights shining, but just that little light helps someone who is struggling to see the path.

Then, I took note of the sand. This part of the road remains dirt, like it was when I was a little girl, many, many years ago. The sand is nearly white, and the white sand was reflecting the light from the stars. I never stepped in a rut. I never had to step cautiously. I could always see the path. And, if we as Christians reflect the light of the Son, others may see the path, and keeping their eyes on our reflection, keep out of the ruts.

I thought, too, about how I was walking on a road near my home. I love two SCC songs, "We are Not Home Yet," and, "It's Just a Long Way Home." I was not nearly as fearful because I was near my home. And, the closer I got to my home, the less fear I had. So much so, that, when I entered the first part of the back drive, I just sat down.

I sat down.

In.
The.
Dirt.

In.
My.
Dress.

And, I said, "Jesus, I am close to home. Speak."

As hard as I tried to listen, I only heard, "Be still and know that I am God."

Be. Still.

Know that I am God.

I am God.

Be. Still.

If you are travelling through dark days. Make sure you stay close to home, close to Jesus, close to the Heavenly places where He carries you. Sit down and remember to be still. Know that He is God.

Eleven Things You Might Want to Know

I know...I haven't been keeping up with posting...it's been CRAZY busy....as the school year comes to a close...here's a few tibits.

• Qing Zhuang has learned to say, "Excuse me," when he burps, and tonight he reminded Ellie to say, "Exuse me," when she burped.
• Qing Zhuang has learned to say, "Please," when he asks for something. Tonight Whitney asked her daddy to pour her some tea. Qing Zhaung looked at her and said, "Please."
• I had a wonderful time at the Great Oaks Church of God Tuesday night.
• I will have a new position/title at school next year. I am quite excited to be a math/reading specialist.
• The boys continue to LOVE the pool. Qing Zhuang is still quite cautious, but Zhuang Zhuang has become a brave little monster. Wearing arm bands and a swim ring, he will jump off of the diving board and go down the slide. He comes up screaming and wiping the water out of his face, as if he is terrified. Then he laughs and heads back to do it again.
• Since I play the piano at Youmans Chapel, Qing Zhuang has made his own connection. Everytime I put on a dress, he pantomines piano playing...really.
• Ellie will be in the talent show at MES next Tuesday.
• Josie-Tatum does not want to be in a talent show.
• Brandon is coming home from college for the summer. He is on his way as I type. Zhuang Zhuang and Qing Zhaung keep asking about Ge Ge Brandon. I may need to call and suggest he speed just this once. I am sure he usually drived the speed limit.
• Whitney has been an awesome big sister/Nanny for the boys. Now she needs a paying job. Anybody out there willing to hire her.

And....requiring his own paragraph....is Caleb. He has left on a mission. We're actually not certain if he is out yet, but we know he has reported for duty. He cannot tell us when he leaves, or where he is going, or when he will be back. Please pray for him and his team. Pray for Casie. And, pray for Mama, too!

I'll try to post photos this weekend!!

Adopting Again!!!

Gotcha...no, not us.

But, I'm thrilled to be following two blogs over the next two weeks. Our friend the Wheelers are in China, adopting for the second time. I graduated from HS with both Hank and Anna. You can follow their journey here .

And, if adding one more precious child from China to our small community were not enough already, there is another local family in China as well. They will be bringing home TWO precious children, a son and a daughter. Follow them here.

I may have mentioned this before, but, when these two families come home, there will be 21 Chinese adoptees in the two neighboring rural communities where we live. God is awesome to have connected each of us and provided and support for us and our children.

As you pray for these families, please pray for me. I have the opportunity to share our miraculous adoption story at a church in another community tomorrow. May He receive honor and glory!
In other news, our boys continue to do well. We've just been busy with end of school year stuff and having fun for me to post. I promise I'll try to upload photos soon.

Only 9 more days for the boys to have to stay home without their Mama and jiejies.

Praise the LORD!!!!!!